2013 run bannerIn August last year I wrote a post about my secret ambition to be a runner. I am ashamed to admit that my running dreams didn’t last, but having said that I did mention in that post that I was going to do a 5km run in September. Well …

KP_Sept 12Photo credit:

That is us running across the finish line of a 5km fun run. We didn’t run it all and I let Simon set the pace as I’d talked him into doing it with me. I felt good! I really enjoyed it and I felt I could have gone on and done the 10km (runner’s high perhaps?). Unfortunately, my shins and calves didn’t agree with me and ached for weeks after. It put a dampener on my enthusiasm and I got out of the habit of running after work. As the temperature here in Brisbane increased going into summer I found even more excuses to not run.

And now I find myself creeping back towards 90kg and feeling very sloth like.

Last year we got Fitbits and I do like that it tracks my movements and tells me very plainly when I’m being a sloth. Apparently Sunday is always my least active day (shocking, I know). Over Christmas, and because of Dad’s hospitalisation, I ended up having almost a month off work. Now that I’m back at work, I can see how all the incidental exercise I do by walking to and from my car (my parking permit is for a carpark on the other side of campus to my building – the waiting list is so long for parking permits that you take what you can get!) and when I leave the office to get lunch it all adds up. I’ve gone from a total distance traveled of 1.55km Monday last week when I was home to 6.27km on Tuesday when I was back at work. Hopefully, those extra kilometres will make a difference before I even get my sneakers out of mothballs!

Let’s travel back in time for a moment.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERACan you spot me? Don’t think I need to give you a hint but I’m the largest one in the photo in blue. This was me before the fun run I did in 2008. I was still unwell but I’d been going to the gym and working with a trainer. He encouraged me to enter the 5km fun run (he did the 10km and lapped me) and just see how I went. I DID finish. I did walk a lot of it but I did run some of it, too. I hoped that it would kick start my motivation to keep going with running, that it would become a part of my recovery. It didn’t. I had pushed myself so hard that I crashed. The fun run was in early May and by June I was in hospital again.

I talked about my fears in my August running post but maybe it goes further and there is a part of me that worries if I push myself too hard again, I will end up crashing? Rationally speaking I’m now in a completely different place mentally and emotionally from May 2008. There are multiple levels of barriers in place to ensure I don’t crash like that again. Multiple levels of support systems to help me before it gets to hospitalisation. In May 2008, I was twelves months from my separation and waiting for my divorce to be finalised. I was unemployed and living with my parents. I am so, so far from there now. I keep asking myself if this is a valid fear knowing that, but there is still something holding me back.

KP_2012These are our medals from completing the run last September. I have mine hanging next to my computer and I can see it whenever I am here writing or working. I’m hoping to break through my subconscious mind by reminding myself how good it felt to finish that race. How I did do it. That I can keep doing it.

One of my goals for 2013 is to run a 10km fun run. Not run/walk. To run it. Right now that feels almost unattainable. I’m not eating the best diet I could (although being back at work and into a routine again has helped that a little). I’m not choosing foods that fuel me and give me energy. I’m on a bit of chocolate kick. My funky sneakers that I was so excited to get in August have now migrated from the car, to the hallway, to the top of my wardrobe. I don’t even want to try and pour myself into those running tights.

Each month I plan on doing a post about my running journey. I’m not sure I will have much to report but maybe this will help keep me honest and motivate me to START. Hey, I made a blog banner so I’m committed, right?!

First step: put my sneakers in the car. It’s as good a place as any to start! There are clearly quite a few more steps to take, but small steps. Again.

I’ll let you know how I go.

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3 thoughts on “Run

  1. Alison says:

    Would it help to start a running program like C25K to kick things off. I’m not sure how you did it last time but when I used to run 2km (not much but more than I can do now) I started by doing intervals. I’d like to start running too, wonder if we can meet up a few times a week to do the C25K together.

    • Willow says:

      I have tried C25K a few times but still not made it past week 4 :(. last year I was running intervals on campus with my office buddy after work. The running track is good for it because we’d run between parking metres and they aren’t all equal distances.

      My next exercise goal for February is 21 days of walks. Maybe meeting up for some walk/runs on the weekend with RedPene would be good for us?

  2. […] with forming healthy habits and breaking old habits for years. I’ve blogged about making running a part of my life many a time and of finding a diet that works for us, about my struggle with procrastination and of […]

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