In August last year I wrote a post about my secret ambition to be a runner. I am ashamed to admit that my running dreams didn’t last, but having said that I did mention in that post that I was going to do a 5km run in September. Well …
That is us running across the finish line of a 5km fun run. We didn’t run it all and I let Simon set the pace as I’d talked him into doing it with me. I felt good! I really enjoyed it and I felt I could have gone on and done the 10km (runner’s high perhaps?). Unfortunately, my shins and calves didn’t agree with me and ached for weeks after. It put a dampener on my enthusiasm and I got out of the habit of running after work. As the temperature here in Brisbane increased going into summer I found even more excuses to not run.
And now I find myself creeping back towards 90kg and feeling very sloth like.
Last year we got Fitbits and I do like that it tracks my movements and tells me very plainly when I’m being a sloth. Apparently Sunday is always my least active day (shocking, I know). Over Christmas, and because of Dad’s hospitalisation, I ended up having almost a month off work. Now that I’m back at work, I can see how all the incidental exercise I do by walking to and from my car (my parking permit is for a carpark on the other side of campus to my building – the waiting list is so long for parking permits that you take what you can get!) and when I leave the office to get lunch it all adds up. I’ve gone from a total distance traveled of 1.55km Monday last week when I was home to 6.27km on Tuesday when I was back at work. Hopefully, those extra kilometres will make a difference before I even get my sneakers out of mothballs!
Let’s travel back in time for a moment.
Can you spot me? Don’t think I need to give you a hint but I’m the largest one in the photo in blue. This was me before the fun run I did in 2008. I was still unwell but I’d been going to the gym and working with a trainer. He encouraged me to enter the 5km fun run (he did the 10km and lapped me) and just see how I went. I DID finish. I did walk a lot of it but I did run some of it, too. I hoped that it would kick start my motivation to keep going with running, that it would become a part of my recovery. It didn’t. I had pushed myself so hard that I crashed. The fun run was in early May and by June I was in hospital again.
I talked about my fears in my August running post but maybe it goes further and there is a part of me that worries if I push myself too hard again, I will end up crashing? Rationally speaking I’m now in a completely different place mentally and emotionally from May 2008. There are multiple levels of barriers in place to ensure I don’t crash like that again. Multiple levels of support systems to help me before it gets to hospitalisation. In May 2008, I was twelves months from my separation and waiting for my divorce to be finalised. I was unemployed and living with my parents. I am so, so far from there now. I keep asking myself if this is a valid fear knowing that, but there is still something holding me back.
These are our medals from completing the run last September. I have mine hanging next to my computer and I can see it whenever I am here writing or working. I’m hoping to break through my subconscious mind by reminding myself how good it felt to finish that race. How I did do it. That I can keep doing it.
One of my goals for 2013 is to run a 10km fun run. Not run/walk. To run it. Right now that feels almost unattainable. I’m not eating the best diet I could (although being back at work and into a routine again has helped that a little). I’m not choosing foods that fuel me and give me energy. I’m on a bit of chocolate kick. My funky sneakers that I was so excited to get in August have now migrated from the car, to the hallway, to the top of my wardrobe. I don’t even want to try and pour myself into those running tights.
Each month I plan on doing a post about my running journey. I’m not sure I will have much to report but maybe this will help keep me honest and motivate me to START. Hey, I made a blog banner so I’m committed, right?!
First step: put my sneakers in the car. It’s as good a place as any to start! There are clearly quite a few more steps to take, but small steps. Again.
I’ll let you know how I go.