Trying to find meaning

This has not been a good start to the year for some of my friends. I’m trying to work out what is my part in all of this because its all swirling around me but in its own way, has nothing to do with me.

Miss V contacted me while I’ve been in Sydney and what I feared would happen has unfortunately come to fuition. She has had a miscarriage. The link she had with her fiance is now gone. This is such a devestating thing for any woman but for one who has just also lost the father of that child it is harrowing.

In my post about Miss V, I mentioned my Angel who has been helping me to work through my own feelings on life and death. He has been rocked by his own tragedy over these holidays and I’m starting to want a refund on 2009 already! Angel has a beautiful four year old daughter who is his world. She has spent this Christmas with her mother and two half sisters which has been the first Christmas away from her father. Yesterday morning I found out that they had been in a serious car accident and B was quite seriously injured. At the moment I don’t know anymore and its breaking my heart that I can’t help, that I am hundreds of kilometers away and I just don’t know how bad it is.

And so I’m stuck sitting here wondering how to make sense of it all. My immediate reaction is ‘What can I do?’ and in this case there is nothing but be on the end of a phone. My heart aches with fear and pain for my friends, but I am holding it away from myself and not let it consume me. I’ve managed to not work it into a soundtrack of ‘See, nothing good will ever happen. Nothing good will ever happen to you when you can see bad things happening to good people, people better then you.’

I just have to be patient (ha!) and pray that something positive comes from these horrible circumstances. It has definately affected my enthusiasm for this little sojourn to Sydney but I’ll keep doing the things I want to do. Its off to Wollongong today!

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