Schoolgirl fantasies

I have got to stop doing this to myself. Talking to people online, having what seems like a great conversation at the time, seemingly making a connection and then never hearing from them again, all the while I keep hoping that they will come back and talk to me again.

Why do people do that? Is it delibrate? Or is it just my desparate need for some kind of relationship that makes this hurt? I am so scared that the defining relationship of my life will be with my ex-husband and that thought saddens and sickens me.

Is it just a school girl fantasy that something might actually come out of these online chats? Am I simply too scared to venture into the real world and meet someone? Am I deluding myself that because I didn’t get the ‘fairytale’ last time that I will this time around?

I feel like such a pathetic, sad school girl worrying over this. People are dying in terroist attacks in India tonight. Somewhere a person is sitting in a hospital watching a loved one suffer. Houses are being foreclosed as families struggle to make ends meet. Women are begging in the streets in Afghanistan to feed their children. And here I am worrying over whether I’m going to get a knight in shining armour to sweep me off my feet.

I have to get over myself …


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