I retreated into myself. No one could reach me anymore. I didn’t think, question or stop myself popping the pills from their blister packs, one after the other. Dad holding me until the ambulance arrived, begging me to stay awake and to hold on. Drifting in and out for the next two days while the drugs worked their way out of my system. Waking up to what I had done to myself once again.
I remember what happened that day but its harder to remember the blackness now. My soul has healed in the last twelve months. I’ve begun to experience life as it should be, being present and a part of my family, my friends and the daily experiences I have. Twelve months ago I didn’t believe I could have what I do now. I think everyone hoped that I could but standing in the hospital it would have seemed almost impossible to my parents that night.
There are alot of people to thank and be grateful to for helping me to get to today. My gorgeous friends who have stood by me through the hard times, the good times and the lowest of lows. My wonderful extended family who have closed ranks around me and given me space to heal from the last ten years. To my beautiful Buffy – I adore you and thank god that I have you back in my life. To my angel Bestie – thank you for being you and loving me as I am. To my Mum, you are a wonderful, gorgeous woman who I adore. Thank you for standing by me through all that I’ve put you through. To my Papa bear – without you holding me I would never have been able to stand on my own again. I owe you so much. To my beautiful brother – you have given me love, a purpose and a few well timed kicks up the arse. Never doubt I love you with all of my heart.
The sun is rising on my new chapter. Let’s turn the page and see where this adventure will take me.