Way back at the start of this year, I mused in a post about how this year was looking like an unpolished gem and that perhaps by 2009 it would have taken on some sparkle. With seven weeks of 2008 left (OMG!), I think that my musings may have some truth to them.
Its less then two weeks until the first anniversary of my second overdose and it seems like a lifetime ago. I remember how I felt and how my life seemed to narrow into a dark tunnel that had no light at the end of it, but it now feels like it happened to someone else.
I am happy. I am confident. I feel loved, accepted and appreciated. I’m not sure where my path is leading me to yet, but my options are open and I’m not pressuring myself to make any hasty decisions. Yes, I will finish my Masters as I always intended to do. I may return to Sydney, or I may not. I could travel, throw fancy to the wind and live in Paris for a year, although I might just start with learning to speak French! Dare I say, I’m even feeling better about how I look and making a bit more of an effort each day (yes, I succumbed to the power of the hair straightener).
My greatest challenge is, of course, learning patience. I was once told that if I could achieve this I would find peace and contentment, which is probably over stating the obvious just a bit. I do think the greatest lesson in patience that I have to learn is to be patient with myself. This year has given me a few clues as to how to do that and not be so hard on myself. And by letting go the world doesn’t end as I had convinced myself of for so long.
And you know what else is good? Mum leaving me roses from our garden. Beautiful.