Breakneck speed

I must slow down. I must slow down. I must slow down. I must slow down.

Today, I caught myself racing to finish a crossword, of all things. I sometimes walk so fast that the heels on my shoes bend. Why do I feel the need to rush through life? 

The joy is in the living. The experiences. The times spent with friends and family. The sitting in an amazing cafe writing in my journal and drinking good coffee. In curling up with a book and listening to great music before falling asleep peacefully.

So why do I insist on tearing through things at a breakneck speed? It is most likely habitual. Its how I’ve always lived my life and the habits of a lifetime are slow to break. Perhaps there is also a sense that if I don’t rush things, don’t grab onto things, that I will somehow miss out. 

I have to let go of this fear. I need to flow through experiences, not push circumstances, not direct. What is meant to be will be and the right things will find their way to me. Each experience builds on the previous and we take a lesson from each, which in turn enriches the next experience.

Today, we celebrated my Grandmother’s 80th birthday. As the eldest grandchild I gave a speech, which I was asked to do only this morning. But you know what? I went with it. Two years ago I would never have been confident enough to speak in front of 30 people; to write a speech in under an hour and present it with little read through. And everyone was so positive, although Grandma is insisting that she needs to get me back! My previous experiences of writing, pulling together my thoughts and impressions quickly; my experiences being in front of large groups and overcoming the fear that people will laugh at me; as well as the simple fact that my self esteem is at one of the highest levels its ever been all combined today to guide me through a confident speech that made people laugh but showed how proud I am to be Kath’s granddaughter, how much we all love her and how important she is to all of us.

And she loved the mosaic, too!

Go with the flow, Will. Go with the flow.

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