It is said that you are exactly where you are meant to be. The sum of all of our experiences, thoughts and emotions have led to now and for whatever reason this is where you need to be to go forward.
The other night I was reading over my very first posts, which were written within days of leaving Sydney and my marriage. I had a false sense that the troubles I had had were over, based only on the facts that I was ‘slowing’ down by leaving Sydney and that I’d have less stress in my life. Looking back, I had no comprehension of what I had just been through and simply thought I could throw myself back into the expected norms of a functioning 30 year old without a backward glance.
The universe had to give me the metaphorical kick up the arse to make me sit up and take note of the lesson that I’d missed the first time around. It has taken me awhile to get to this realisation but I’m learning to accept that this is where I need to be right now. Its not where I thought I’d be to be brutally honest, but I quite clearly need to take time out and to learn how to function again.
I also need to let go of the trappings of my old life that I’ve been trying to cling on to but serve no purpose anymore – and these are attitudes as well as physical things. I no longer need to buy into the credit card culture that so ensnared me before. Once the debt is gone the card is going. I have a Visa Debit and that will be good enough for me. My mobile phone is on a plan which is costing me a small fortune each month but, I never use my phone that much any more to warrant the huge contract that I am on. I’ve even changed the handset from my ‘city’ phone to one of my brother’s old ones because the phone had started to play up and I can not afford a new handset, which would require me to enter into another 24 month contract. Once my contract is up in March (I think), I’m going to change to pre-paid. I used to believe that by being on a contract it showed I had made it, so to speak. Pre-paid was for people who couldn’t handle credit by my thinking. How wrong I have been. Its going to give me the control over my phone that I didn’t have before and allow me to save money – no more monthly fees when I probably haven’t used the phone much at all.
Its also time to declutter my life in other ways. I never did get around to cleaning up my storage shed so since I have time on my hands it is going to be little project for me to occupy my time. Its also time to cull my wardrobe of out of date, never to be worn again clothing. While I’m exercising and losing weight I need all of my in-between clothes so I can’t get rid of everything but there are certainly some things I can weed out.
And on that, I was very proud of myself this morning. I went to the gym even though I knew my trainer wasn’t going to be there and I did a 40 minute workout. How is that for improving and dedication? 🙂